GOP Counts Paper Ballots in Full View of Voters; Indecent Exposure Charges Are Being Considered 

In an obscene display of democracy, the Republican Party State Central Committee conducted at least two completely transparent votes Saturday.

Ballots were disturbingly visible throughout the counting process, which was carried out onstage in full view of a hooting and hollering audience. (The proper procedure, according to experts such as Jena Griswold, carefully preserves ballot modesty by examining them in a locked room with just a few selected people, or better yet examines them by machine, eliminating any prying human eyes.)

“Can they DO that?” one voter asked. “I mean, this was blatant counting, right out in the open. There should at least be a warning about sensitive content.” Ballot boxes were reportedly see-through, though at least voters had to prove their identity in order to enter and cast ballots. Volunteers holding the ballot boxes even paraded the transparent boxes up onto and across the stage where naked ballots were counted and totaled.

The ballot counters defended themselves by pointing out that nobody touched the ballots between the voter and the counters, and the ballots are available to be examined for any tampering.

Another area of concern is that the ballot counting took many minutes to finish. Stunned members of the public had lawyers check state statutes to see if elections are allowed to be counted that fast. “I’m pretty sure there’s something in here that says it’s supposed to take weeks,” one commented. “Just like our comrades do in the People’s Republic of Nevada.”

(See GLASS BOX ELECTIONS for more information.)